O PERSONAL PROFILE O

AWOL – sorry. I’ll see who I can come up with next month.

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Dear Dad, I think it is really, really neat that you can do all that mechanical stuff. I can't begin to tell you how much I admire that ability. Ole does most of the work on our cars and I know it might sound sexist, but I think it’s just such a masculine thing! My '97 Jeep Cherokee just passed the 100,000 mark last week and I'm already up to 100,300 miles. I'm just chugging around town so it baffles me that I can put on so many miles!

About the vet lady: It's amazing the capacity people have for not helping each other. I understand your reaction and I can only hope that it causes that young lady to rethink her behavior. Unfortunately, it seems that often when we behave that way -- and I mean "we" because I've also reamed people -- but when we do that we are usually the ones who come off looking like a sourpuss. The last time I caused a ruckus like that -- which was just a few years ago -- I decided that I didn't want to be that way and I now do my best to kill them with kindness. I will not allow these folks to ruin my day or cause me to behave in a way where I would be embarrassed to tell Jesus. Now, after having said all that, I can tell you that it is NOT EASY! Sometimes I would just really like to make these people CRY! Deb Colbeth-Nilssen, League City, Texas

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SuperSex

A little old lady was running up and down the halls in a nursing home. As she walked, she would flip up the hem of her nightgown and say "Supersex."

She walked up to an elderly man in a wheelchair. Flipping her gown at him, she said, "Supersex." He sat silently for a moment or two and finally answered, "I'll take the soup."

Thanks Honorary Cool/Col Joan Stanley, Morehead, NC

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The Optometrist’s Hymn: Open My Eyes That I Might See

Thanks to: Ernest Coolbeth, Lyndonville, Vermont

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You Know You’re Getting Marvelously Mature when: You give up all your bad habits and still don’t feel good. Thanks to: Ruth Coolbeth-Jones, Hillsboro, New Hampshire

. Dear Dick, We just came home from a trip to the cities, having picked up Edie & little Neaddy along the way. Eileen is in a body brace, she fractured a vertabrae in her lower spine. I had made her a fleece blanket for comfort mostly, I thought warm from the morphine pain effect but her brace keeps her plenty warm enough. She loved it anyway. We stayed & visited quite a while, she didn’t want us to leave. She has a beautiful home, like out of “Home & Gardens” beautifully landscaped & well kept. As a mother, I feel her pain but she is alone physically with the darn stuff. Little Neaddy had a cast on her right arm, a fracture. She was riding her bike down a hill, her & 2 other little girls and she crashed. She did not want that brace on her arm. She fussed to no end (threw a fit is what she did) Edie told her she needed it, it stayed on. She just turned 5.

When you’re the boss of the house, which the little sweetie is, it’s a painful thing to get stopped in your tracks. She is so gentle & a sweetheart but a fit from a kid is a fit, to be dealt with.

Now – Healthwise, the rest of us are just moving along – Retirement sure is a drag, not my vision of it at all. I clean house, clean house, dust endlessly, keep the house clean, wash kept up, remember birthdays & cook. That’s Day 1; Day 2, I repeat above & Day 3, repeat, repeat, repeat. I did go to Mass everyday but since that fellow hit the back of my car, there is no way I can sit on the rock hard pews or hold my back & neck in an upright position.

My biggest problem is what to do with my video collection with the DVD. The upholstery shop cut a chair sized cushion I sit here on at home. That sponge stuff. I have osteoarthritis in my spine, my back is a hunk of cement. The Dr. told me I certainly have a good posture. I told Reg, if his back was a hunk of cement, he’d stand up straight too.

My pet peeve? Making beds. My bed is my nest & I love crawling in on my feather bed already positioned for me. Dad pulls his together every day; Buttons sleeps with him. Kinda funny, a dog being your bed mate, but if it works, why fix it?

My Horizon was an ’85, Dad decided that was old enough and bought me a 2002 Buick Century. Inside the car with it running, you could hear a pin drop. I found myself driving down the street completely oblivious of the fact that I was in a car. I was just sitting, looking around, like I was sitting in the driveway. I don’t know why they don’t drive themselves. The lights go on, everything goes on by itself, all you do is turn the key and steer it. I wanted to give the Horizon to Heather but she is grossed out by nicotine; the ceiling was an inch thick with it. I was told if I even detailed it they couldn’t clean it off, so I gave it to Elaine. It was in tip top condition, no rust. She needed an extra car if her’s had to go in for repair. I very seldom smoke in the Buick, I don’t know how the car moves so smooth, turns on a dime & is somewhere else if you don’t pay attention. I had to slam on the brakes hard one day. I almost went over the steering wheel, the whole car let out a crack that scared the wits out of me. I didn’t turn the wheels enough to turn the blinkers off going down the highway 70 miles an hour, the car started gonging and gonging, half paralyzed me. I quick ran a look over the front panel, saw the trouble, turned off the signal thing and breathed a sigh of relief. I almost drove over to the shoulder to stop to recover. The first day I went to the bank drive-up window, I had no idea how to open the windows, had to open the door & get out. I count my blessings the car isn’t a 2003. Maybe those do drive themselves. I know some talk to you; church words, I hope. God only knows what this 2002 would have said to me!

I’ve been writing because there’s nothing on T.V. for me & I have your letter here beside me. I’m getting tired though, as you can see. I’m 74, Clayton 77, we chug along with all our aches and pains. He loves telling the kids about the good old days; they say they are called “good” old days because they are gone. He’s moving a little slower these days. He’s built up a reputation as the world’s best babysitter. At our age, we see friends now in the obituary column. Just so its not our own, I guess.

I knit, crochet, quilt, make fleece blankets, as the Spirit moves me. Not too long at any one thing. Love, Helen Colbeth-Scheuer, St. Cloud, Minnesota

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THREE GORGES DAM

Our web site is www.ThreeGorgesProbe.org

Today's top stories

SARS and Falun Gong provide pretexts for Three Gorges arrests by Kelly Haggart. China has used both the SARS health crisis and the crackdown on the Falun Gong spiritual movement as reasons to detain migrants who dare to complain about the resettlement operation.

Today's stories are reprinted from AFX, Dow Jones News wires and Xinhua news agency. Three Gorges to generate 6.13 billion kWh power this year. AFX, August 14, 2003

Power from the dam will go this year to Shanghai, Chong-qing, Henan, Hunan, Jiangsu and Zhejiang, a Chinese financial publication says. www.threegorgesprobe. org/tgp/index.cfm?DSP=content&ContentID=8125 Lights go out despite Three Gorges by Xu Yihe, Dow Jones Newswires, August 13, 2003. The dam's two functioning turbines are producing 26,000 kWh of electricity a day, about half of which is being transmitted to Shanghai, a project official says. www.threegorgesprobe.org/tgp/index. cfm?DSP=content&ContentID=8124

Geez, they actually got it up and running! I’ll be dipped in cow pies. I’d have lost money on that one, but I’d still bet the farm it crashes like a cheap computer. Dick

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Hi Cous & family: I would say you sure got testy with the receptionist. We left on our last camping trip for the summer on the 6th. We packed up the 5th wheel, threw the dog (Bo) in the back of the truck, put the bird(a blue crown conure) in the back seat & drove up to Tumalo St. Pk. in Oregon. Our little bird really loves traveling. She sits between Ron & I and talk's to all the big rigs passing by, & munches on our munchies talking a blue streak between bites. Sherrie & family(my daughter) & some of her friends joined us. We hiked & visited Newberry Lava Flow & the Lava Lakes, then toured Bend. A very enjoyable time was had by all. We were going to finish up at Crater Lake St. Pk. but Sher & John's truck broke down, so we didn't make it. Another time. We will be replacing our front door & carpeting the living room. I think you might like this Redneck Etiquette. Never take a beer to a job interview. Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them. It's considered tacky to take a cooler to church. If you have to vacuum the bed it's time to change sheets. Even if you're CERTAIN that you are included in the will...it is still considered tacky to drive a U-Haul to the funeral. Driving Etiquette: When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires ALWAYS has the right of way. Have a fun August. Bev Colbeth-Luce, Platina, CA

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Dear Dick, Mostly I like to share pleasant thoughts and not be dragged down by the difficulties of others unless there is really a way I could have helped.
Remember I told you we were having our first ever Colbeth First Cousin Family picnic Aug. 10? We had it at the home of Patricia and Richard Colbeth on the Homestead that has had a Colbeth living on it since 1854 in Roberts, Wisconsin. It was a lovely day with renewal of many long lost family. We produced a document of the decendants of my grandparents, Seth Peter Colbeth and Sarah Jane Buckwalter....46 pages. Still many that I haven't been able to get to reply to my letters but I am continuing to work on getting addresses and connections.
One of my favorite moments at the reunion was two sisters who hadn't spoken for about 15 years were reunited with much crying and hugging. It made the entire day a success! Hugs, June Ann Colbeth-Hassebroek, Carnation, Washington

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Dear Mr. Colbeth/Ahsowhat: It’s understandable that you quit sending your newsletters if you didn't hear from us. We slipped up somehow. We do want your newsletters. They will be bound and will be a permanent part of our collection. So please send every issue to: Allen County Public Library Genealogy Periodicals PO Box 2270 Fort Wayne, IN 46801-2270 Thank you. Mary Lou Clegg, Librarian

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Dear Dick, I think the entire chain of events should be told to the vet with the addition that as long and the anal retentive is still behind the desk, your business will be taken else where and you will make it a concerted effort to see that friends, neighbors, acquaintances and strangers will be steered away for his establishment. In other words, you were too soft. Before you think of ratcheting up your protest, remember, fire bombing is against the law. Hubby Dennis for Caroline Colbeth-Johnson, Enumclaw, WA

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Dear Dad, It's going...just taking one day at a time. Amanda is still living with us at home. We think we've got her back on track. She's working and plans to go to college in the Fall. James and Daniel are taller than me now. I'm midget size compared to them. We measured Daniel's height the other day. He's 6'-3". A big boy at 16. James, now 17, is just a shade over 6'. I stand at 5'-9". To talk to them I have to crane my neck upwards, causing some stiffness in the vertebrae--they're literally pains in the neck.

Sean (9) and Ian (6) are like "two peas in a pod". They bounce of the walls and furniture. Their poor Mother, Cecilia, is worn out by the end of day after running the marathon to keep up with them.

I'm just getting older. The grey hair is much more pronounced now. It may be time for the Grecian formula :>). I do the karate thing with Daniel and swear I've coughed up a lung or two during the exercises. Daniel's kicks and punches are a lot more powerful now. I wince every time he hits me. My bones just don’t recoil as easily as they used to. I got my arm X-rayed the other day. Could have sworn it was broke from a right-cross to the elbow. Got a goose egg where the elbow is supposed to be. Been limping lately too from my Son's misguided kick to the lower leg. I'm hoping I'm good for another 5 years before I have to quit....

I'm surprised you're not in the electronics field. You were a genius with that stuff, as I remember. With your high intelligence, it seems a waste of it on a grunt job. I hope I'm not offending you. I guess the most important thing is that you're happy at whatever you do.

Big Jim Colbeth, Holland, Pennsylvania

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MENtal illness, MENstrual cramps, MENtal breakdown MENopause, GUYnecologist ...... AND ....... When we have REAL trouble, it's a HISterectomy. Ever notice how all of women's problems start with something male? Jennie.Coolbroth@ssa.gov,

Wow. I never noticed that, woe-man. Dick

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Horse Poop Bingo: Dang! I thought that was a joke when I wrote about that recently, but I walked part of the Rose Parade route here In Portland before the big show and kids were actually drawing those checkerboard squares in the street! One kid even wrote. “PLOP HERE” in a square.

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Gas pump sign read something like this, “ Excessive breathing of gas fumes has caused cancer by prolonged breathing in laboratory animals.” Say what? So they take some poor critters and confine them in a gas fume heavy environment until they get cancer…!

To whom it may concern: Look, I don’t need you to torture some poor animal to death to convince me your product can cause cancer – like what am I going to do; stop buying gas and walk? I don’t think so. Just tell me not to suck gas fumes during my lunch hour or I’ll get cancer and I’ll take your word for it from now on, O.K.? Let the critters go. They’ll be a hellofalot happier and you’ll save a ton of money. Personally, I don’t think torture of man or beast for any reason is an option.

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Life's Short. Make The Best Of It.

To realize the value of a sister: Ask someone who doesn't have one.

To realize the value of ten years: Ask a newly divorced couple.

To realize the value of four long years: Ask a college graduate.

To realize the value of one year: Ask a student who has failed a final exam.

To realize the value of nine months: Ask a mother who gave birth to a still born.

To realize the value of one month: Ask a mother who has given birth to a premature baby.

To realize the value of one week: ask the publisher of the Ahsowhat.

To realize the value of one hour: Ask the lovers who are waiting to meet.

To realize the value of one minute: Ask a person who has missed the train, bus or plane.

To realize the value of one-second: Ask a person who has survived an accident.

To realize the value of one millisecond: Ask the person who has won a silver medal in the Olympics.

Time waits For no one. Treasure every moment you have. You will treasure it even more when you can share it with someone special.

To realize the value of a friend: Lose one.

Mary Elena Coolbroth-Howard, Rockland, Maine

Dear Dick, Here nice cool A.M. – warms up by noon or P.M. If not much breeze sit on porch A.M. & P.M. It divieds up the day. Hope today we have Bingo. Some times only once a week.

Folks, Sister & Ed change very little. Ed more with speech and his hands – legs bother.

Greg & Joann just as busy, yet Ed has much more help. Here no change for 3 weeks. Ten of us but never know who will be here next. Don’t even have folks that I know of who need care at this time.

We have a local nurse who does care, in Valley Waitsfield & area. It helps many stay home with their family.

Go down town once in a while. Meds and all are cared for by owners.

Leaves starting to turn, yet August is always a good month and many are having their vacations. Fairs and Fall doings before school starts end of month – Best of Fall – Good Ball Games, Love, Frances, Squire House, Waterbury, Vermont.

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Dear Dick, I never intended to take a free ride. I just never took time out to send a check. The bad part of being retired is that I don’t have time to do anything that I want to. Famous last words, “Now that you’re retired you will have plenty of time to do whatever you want to.” They should add, “After you do what your wife, church, grandchildren, etc. would like you to do.” Thanks for listening, Brother Lee Colbath, Darien, Connecticut

P.S. What came first? Colbath or Colbeth? Well, brother Lee, I’ll tell you: According to my Portland/Vancouver Qwest white pages, Colbath comes first. I double checked.

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Hi Dick, Here are the newspaper clippings of Felicha. She is not a “bubbly” outgoing girl; however, she’s her own person that’s not in a clique and is nice to everyone. Of course this comes from a very proud grandma! Marijean Colbeth, Hudson, Wisconsin.

P.S. The prom king was not Felicha’s date. She had a very nice date for the prom, but does not have a boyfriend.

2002-2003 St. Croix Central High School Prom Queen – I am totally impressed! And Co-Miss Congeniality. Wow. I could have been Prom King of Wood-Ridge High School in New Jersey but they booted me out before the hanging chad question could be dealt with. But it was O.K., the Prom Queen was Bruce and I didn’t want to escort him anyway. Tiara and chin fuzz…? I don’t think so.

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Dick, Hi! We’re enclosing a check to renew our subscription to the Ahsowhat. Our new address is: 1112 Sudene Ave., Fullerton, CA 92831. Keep up the good work; we really enjoy reading the “largest Cool/Col oriented newsletter in the world.” Sincerely, Ray & Sherie Colbeth

P.S. We’ll be celebrating our 14^th wedding anniversary on 9/16 – Woohoo!

I made it that far on my 3rd try – congratulations!

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Jack, after twenty years of shaving himself every morning, decided he had enough. He told his wife he intended to let the local barber shave him each day. He put on his hat and coat and went to the local barber shop owned by the pastor of the town's small Southern Baptist Church.

The barber's wife, Grace, was working that day. She shaved Jack and sprayed him with lilac water. "That will be $20."

Jack thought the price was a bit high, but paid the bill and went to work. The next morning Jack looked in the mirror. His face was as smooth as it had been when he left the barber shop the day before. "Not bad," he thought. “At least I don't need to get a shave every day.”

Two weeks later he was still unable to find any trace of whiskers. It was more than he could take, so he returned to the barber shop.

"I thought $20 was high for a shave", Jack told the barber's wife, "but you must have done a great job. It's been two weeks and my whiskers still haven't started growing back."

Grace responds, "Of course. You were shaved by Grace. Once shaved . . . . always shaved."

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There came a frantic knock at the doctor's office door,

A knock, more urgent than he had ever heard before.

" Come in, Come in," the impatient doctor said,

"Come in, Come in before you wake the dead."

In walked a frightened little girl, a child no more than nine,

It was plain for all to see, she had troubles on her mind.

"Oh doctor, I beg you, please come with me,

My mother is surely dying, she's as sick as she can be."

"I don't make house calls, bring your mother here,"

"But she's too sick, so you must come or she will die I fear."

The doctor, touched by her devotion, decided he would go,

She said he would be blessed, more than he could know.

She led him to her house where her mother lay in bed,

Her mother was so very sick she couldn't raise her head.

But her eyes cried out for help and help her the doctor did,

She’d have died that very night had it not been for her kid.

The doctor got her fever down and she lived throughout the night,

And morning brought the doctor signs, that she would be all right.

The doctor said he had to leave but would return by two,

And later he came back to check, just like he said he'd do.

The mother praised the doctor for all the things he'd done,

He said she would have died, were it not for her little one.

"How proud you must be of your wonderful little girl,

Her pleading made me come, she is really quite a pearl!

"But doctor, my daughter died over three years ago,

Is the picture on the wall of the little girl you know?"

The doctors legs went limp for the picture on the wall,

Was the same little girl for whom he'd made this call.

The doctor stood motionless for quite a little while,

And then his solemn face was broken by his smile.

He was thinking of that frantic knock heard at his office door,

And of the beautiful little angel that had walked across his floor.

Toots Colbath-David, Minot, Maine

I believe in angels. One saved my life once. I know when I get to Glory I’m going to meet one with a bruise on his wing and a story for me. Dick

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BreakPoint with Charles Colson

Commentary #030815 - 08/15/2003

Phony Threats and Great Accents

A&E's MI-5British Prime Minister Tony Blair's recent visit reminded us of Britain's stake in the war against terrorism. For more than three decades, the British have fought a war of their own against the IRA that has cost thousands of lives on both sides of the Irish Sea. More recently, we've learned that English cities have become hotbeds for radical Islam. The would-be "shoe bomber," Richard Reid, is a product of this. With all of this real-world material to draw from, you wouldn't expect a television program about Britain's elite security service to portray a made-up threat to British security. But that's what has happened. On July 22, the A&E network began airing the BBC series MI-5, named for Britain's domestic intelligence agency. The first episode was titled "Thou Shalt Not Kill." In the episode, MI-5 operatives learn that twenty bombs have disappeared somewhere between Ireland and Britain. A short while later, their worst fears are confirmed as a car bomb goes off, killing a mother and her child. One bomb accounted for, nineteen left. It's obviously just the start of a prolonged terror campaign. Who's behind it? If you guessed the IRA or al-Qaeda, you would be wrong. No, the threat to British internal security comes from pro-lifers—and not just any pro-lifers, but American pro-lifers. The Osama bin Laden equivalent in the premiere episode is the wife of a man facing execution for the murder of an abortionist. As the MI-5 website sums up her beliefs, she is a "fanatic, convinced that murder is justified in her war against abortion." If Britain is in danger from anti-abortion violence, domestic or imported, I have missed it. But in a show depicting the personal sacrifices made to protect the British homeland, the producers lead off with a phony threat. Why? Part of the answer, of course, is animosity toward Christians and the pro-life movement. In television and movies, the words believer and fanatic are interchangeable. But there's something else at work here, a suffocating political correctness that will offend Christians but then goes to ridiculous lengths not to offend other groups. An example of this was last summer's blockbuster The Sum of All Fears. In that film, a nuclear attack on the United States was perpetrated by neo-Nazis instead of Islamic terrorists as was the case in the Tom Clancy book on which the movie is based. It didn't matter how preposterous this scenario was; it was better than offending Islamic groups, some of whom lobbied the producers for the change. And The Sum of All Fears was hardly alone in this regard. Since September 11, we've seen a total disconnect between what we read in the news and what we see onscreen: Newspapers and magazines tell us about Islamic "sleeper cells," and movies and television bend over backwards to avoid putting blame on Muslims. But, of course, we still need villains. And since pro-lifers are an unpopular bunch with the cultural elite, they'll do. The BBC is making a pattern of this with its campaign against Bush and Blair for supposedly misleading us on Iraq. This just underscores why the entertainment media is the last place to turn to if you want to understand what's going on in the world—no matter how charming the accents might be.

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There’s more critters in your mouth than humans on Earth.

AHA!

Sender of The Colbeth Family discovered buried underneath all the other stuff on my desk. If the sign of a sick mind is a neat desk, I’m as sane as they come.

Dear “Colbeths”,

Although some of us (on these sheets) are interested in the family, time gets out of hand. I’m enclosing an address list basically of Colbeths 1975 and one 2000. The family of 6 that started it is all gone. The father, Arthur Milton, was from Machias, Maine, went down to St. Croix, USA VI, where the six were born. They came to L.I. in 1911, were educated and stayed here. As the family gets larger, and spreads out, it’s harder to keep touch. I appreciate the news letter and hope the enclosed adds a bit to your research. Virginia “Ginny” Colbeth, Ridgewood, NJ.

Tom Hanks is a direct descendent of Abe Lincoln’s mother.

BIRTHDAYS

Sonny Coolbeth, Hardwick, Vermont

Ernie Coolbeth, Lyndonville, Vermont

Ken Coolbeth, Albuquerque, New Mexico

Natalie Coolbeth – Whalen, Perry, Florida

Bob Coolbeth – McCoy, Portland, Oregon

Rusty Colbeth – Hawkins, Chino Hills, California

Mary Elena Coolbroth – Howard, Rockland, Maine

Debbra Ann Colbeth – Nilssen, League City, Texas

ANNIVERSARIES

Ray & Sherie Colbeth, Fullerton, California, 14 years

Ron & Alice Coolbeth, Springfield, Massachusetts, 50, whoa, 50 years

Doug & Shelly Colbeth – Barry, Roanoke Rapid, North Carolina, 10 years

Hostess Twinkies are 68 % air.

SAND & STONE

A story tells that two friends were walking through the desert. During some point of the journey they had an argument, and one friend slapped the other one in the face.

The one who got slapped was hurt, but without saying any-thing, wrote in the sand:

TODAY MY BEST FRIEND SLAPPED ME IN THE FACE.

They kept on walking until they found an oasis, where they decided to take a bath. The one who had been slapped started drowning, but the friend saved him.

After he recovered, he wrote on a stone:

TODAY MY BEST FRIEND SAVED MY LIFE.

The friend who had slapped and saved his best friend asked him, "After I hurt you, you wrote in the sand and now, you write on a stone, why?" The other friend replied "When someone hurts us we should write it down in sand where winds of forgiveness can erase it away. But, when someone does something good for us, we must engrave it in stone where no wind can ever erase it."

LEARN TO WRITE YOUR HURTS IN THE SAND AND TO CARVE YOUR BENEFITS IN STONE.

They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them, but then an entire life to forget them. Do not value the things you have in your life. But value who you have in your life! Thinking of you all with love, Ray & Sherie Colbeth, Fullerton, California

There are at least six curled-up dimensions in the universe.

Dear Dick, Sorry it took a few days to get back to you. My birthday was the day of the blackout, the day you wrote to me, and I never had quite so many candles on my birthday as I did that night!!! It was actually fun. As I write (type) I can hear choppers overhead patrolling our semi-darkened neighborhood. They still haven't got things completely back to normal, but we were one of the lucky ones; our power came back on at 3AM on 8/15 and it hasn't gone out since (knock wood!).

Now as for that list of jobs, all I can say is INCREDIBLE!!!!!! What amazed me more than even the jobs were the locations. I had no idea you've traveled around so much. How has your wife handled all the moves?? She really is a special person! >Well, I ran through two of them.<

Me? OK, here goes: Babysitter from age 10 SI, NY. Dry cleaning clerk, age 14, SI. Various temp jobs, age 16, SI & NJ. Clerk at adoption center, age 18, WTC. Kitchen worker (dishroom), house cleaner, mother's helper, ages 18-22, U.Mass. Waitress, summer, age 20, SI. Barmaid (2 days), age 20, Bath, England. Tour agent for Italian operator, age 20, NYC. Insurance salesperson, ages 23-28, NYC. Special events planner/waitress, ages 33-38, SI. Teacher, ages 38-45, SI Kim Colbeck, Staten Island, NY

Wow. Anybody else ever have any “cool” jobs?

If you have money in the bank, in your wallet and some spare change, you are among the top 8 % of the world’s wealthy.

Dear Dick, Re: My vacation: I went everywhere -- and, yes, the last day was especially exciting. My friend, Jeannine, wrote about it in an e-mail to her dad and I had her forward her write-up to me. I'll send it to you.

Of course, it'll take a while to get caught up, but it was worth it. We went flight seeing over Mt McKinley on a cloudless day -- which I've learned happens about 10 percent of the time, even landed on a glacier. Went on a 26 glacier catamaran ride, which was really neat. The boat went 50 MPH between sites, so we covered 135 miles during the trip and saw a lot. There were sea otters and harbor seals floating on ice and we were able to get very close to the glaciers. They are huge and beautiful.

Here's what Jeannine wrote to her dad:

I'm writing this as Joan is packing. I take her to the airport tomorrow morning at 4:20AM. (Her neighbor, who is a stewardess on Alaska Airlines, took me.) Ugh, that's early, even for Alaska. But at least our sun rises at that time, so it won't be in the dark.

We had a great time today -- you'll never believe what happened. I have a hard time believing it. We went out to the Eagle River Nature Center, maybe 30-40 minutes from my house, up a canyon that is the "gateway to the Chugach Mts". They have lots of bears out there, so we were sure to read the latest bear sightings, and decided to take the shortest nature walk, where no bears had been seen at all. We did see some bear scat (poop) in the trail, but figured it was old. Not to worry.

The trail was a walk to a pond was about 10 minutes from the center, a loop that included a boardwalk overlooking a beaver pond and dam. The boardwalk didn't cross the pond, just went out in the middle and dead ended nearly to the bank on the other side. So we were out there on a narrow boardwalk, leaning against the wooden railings, watching some ducks. There were wide spots in the boardwalk, and we were standing on one of those.

Someone on the road above the Nature Center was making a lot of noise with what sounded like a cement mixer loaded with gravel. The sound was rocks on metal, with shouting. We figured it was just roadwork. As I surveyed the pond looking for birds, I saw a grizzly cub poke his head out of the bushes along the trail we had just walked. He charged out of the brush and onto the boardwalk, heading straight for us. I said, “Uh oh Joan!” And she said, “It's a dog, right?” I said, “NO, IT'S A BEAR!” And we climbed up on the railings and sat there as that little blonde bear barreled past us, looking over his shoulder anxiously and running pell mell past us like the devil was after him. He reached the end of the boardwalk, ran in a circle then scaled the railing and went over the side into the water. He scrambled up the bank and disappeared into the bushes, but poked his head out one last time to scan his path of flight, as if to check if anything was in pursuit.

Then Joan and I were in terror, waiting to see if a mother bear was next to come out of the brush and charge toward us. We waited, I looked for an exit route, but on a boardwalk in the middle of a pond, the only way out is the way in. And that's the only route a mother bear would take too. If there was a mother grizzly, we were directly between her and her baby. After agonizing a few minutes, we flew off the boardwalk in the direction where the bear came from, talking as loud as we could, walk/running as fast as we could, back to the Nature Center. That path never seemed so long before!!

We got back without seeing any more bears and told the ranger there what happened. He said a mother grizzly was hit by a car last week, did not survive, and the little bear is probably hers. They've seen him hanging around there since then. They say he's a couple of summers old.

So Joan has a unique and unforgettable memory as her last impression of Alaska! Joan Stanley, Morehead, NC

Wow. Anybody else have a “cool” vacation?

This year, Americans will spend more than $550 on products that control body odor.

Jim & Deb built a skating rink in the middle of a pasture. One day a shepherd leading his flock decided to take a shortcut across the rink. The sheep, however, were afraid of the ice and wouldn’t cross it. Desperate, the shepherd began tugging them to the other side.

“Look at that,” remarked Deb to Jim, “That guy is trying to pull the wool over our ice.”

The Sexton and the Stone

A sexton in England undertook a project to map all the graves in the churchyard and to create a complete record of the individuals buried there. After years of work and research he had identified all of the stones but one. The stone, flat on the ground and directly behind the old church, bore only the initials H.W.P. The sexton dug through every church record and could find no record of anyone with those initials.

One day the plumber was working on the old water pipes in the church and chatting with the sexton who proceeded to tell him with pride about his project and added that he was greatly troubled by the fact that one stone remained unidentified. The plumber asked which stone that might be and the sexton pointed out the flat stone.

The plumber smiled and replied that he could solve that mystery since he had placed the stone there himself – H.W.P. marks the location of the Hot Water Pipe.

About 100 people choke to death on ball point pens every year.

A long story preceded this punch line: Justin cried back, “No, I’m not! That was the old me. I’ve found Cod. I’m a prawn again, Christian!”

All I know is I found God; I’m a born-again Christian and I suppose I should be offended by having pokes taken at my faith. But I figure if the comedians can make people aware that there even is such a miraculous spiritual phenomenon that can drastically improve one’s life, I figure it’s worth it. XXXOOO Dick

Heck is for the darned who don’t believe in Jeeze

You know that harmless little Mickey Mouse-type program you installed in your computer? It could have a whopping load of spyware as well. Run Spybot, a free downloadable program found at Security.Kolla.de. I did for the fun of it and found I had two bad guys doing whatever to me. My ’puter was always clicking and I wondered about that. I got my machine from a friend who got it from his friend the computer genius…. I feel so violated!

To err is human, to moo bovine.

I need an October Personal Profile…Helloooo… Anybody to home? Anybody got a “cool” story? Comeon, you guys, this is an interactive newsletter. You come up with the cool, original stuff all I do is plagiarize. God bless

AHSOWHAT SEPTEMBER 2003 ADDENDUM

THE COLBETH FAMILY

Wow. I never noticed that, woe-man. Dick