AHSOWHAT - AUGUST 2003

Seen on T-Shirts submitted by Deb “The Deebs” Colbeth-Nilssen, League City, Texas:

v MY HUSBAND AND I DIVORCED OVER RELIGIOUS DIFFERENCES. HE THOUGHT HE WAS GOD AND I DIDN'T.

v SOME PEOPLE ARE ALIVE ONLY BECAUSE IT'S ILLEGAL TO KILL THEM.

v BEAUTY IS IN THE EYE OF THE BEER HOLDER.

v EARTH IS THE INSANE ASYLUM FOR THE UNIVERSE.

v I'M NOT A COMPLETE IDIOT, SOME PARTS ARE MISSING.

v FRANKLY, SCALLOP, I DON'T GIVE A CLAM (Seen on a PT Cruiser on Cape Cod)

v FAILURE IS NOT AN OPTION. IT COMES BUNDLED WITH THE SOFTWARE.

v MY WILD OATS HAVE TURNED TO SHREDDED WHEAT

v A JOURNEY OF A THOUSAND MILES BEGINS WITH A CASH ADVANCE

v STUPIDITY IS NOT A HANDICAP. PARK ELSEWHERE!

v THEY CALL IT PMS BECAUSE MAD COW DISEASE WAS ALREADY TAKEN

v HECK IS WHERE PEOPLE GO WHO DON'T BELIEVE IN GOSH

v A PICTURE IS WORTH A 1000 WORDS, BUT IT USES UP A 1000 TIMES THE MEMORY.

v TIME FLIES LIKE AN ARROW. FRUIT FLIES LIKE A BANANA. (Get it?)

v HAM AND EGGS - A DAY'S WORK FOR A CHICKEN, A LIFETIME COMMITMENT FOR A PIG..

v THE TROUBLE WITH LIFE IS THERE'S NO BACKGROUND MUSIC.

v THE ORIGINAL "POINT AND CLICK INTERFACE" WAS A SMITH & WESSON.

O PERSONAL PROFILE O

Rosalie Colbath/Cobath/Coolbeth – Wolfe

Foley, Alabama

I was born in Wheelock, Caledonia, Vermont and my husband was born in Louisville, Kentucky and grew up in Campellsburg, Kentucky. Small town life is what attracted us to Foley.

Many Civil War union veterans make up the land around the South. They are buried in Barrancas National Cemetery, Andersonville, Georgia and Arlington, Virginia. Vermont had the greatest loss of men during the war.

My parents George and Bertha (Hudson) Sherburne lived on a farm in Wheelock, Vermont. Farm life suited our family. I especially enjoyed having two older brothers to teach me all the boy stuff and a father who loved taking my sisters and me fishing. We call ourselves summer birds because we travel back to Vermont every summer to spend time with our family.

During the years that my father was town legislator, Dad would take me along to the state capitol. While Dad was passing laws, I would go to the vital records department. I have loved genealogical research for a very long time.

Warren & I were married in Manchester, NH on 3 Sep 1966 and moved in 1970 to Pensacola, Florida where we established the Dixie Cash Register Company Inc. Upon retiring in 1989, we moved to Foley.

I have served as President of the Baldwin County Genealogical Society; Vice-President and President of the Central Baldwin Users Group (CBUG); Registrar, Treasurer and now serving as Regent for the Fort Bowyer Chapter DAR. I love writing web pages and maintaining them for these groups. These sites include: www.gulftel.net/dar (Fort Bowyer Chapter); www. gulftel.com/asdar ( Alabama Society DAR) ;www.gulftel.net/bcgs (Baldwin County Genealogical Society); www.gulftel.com/cbug (Central Baldwin Users Group) and) and www.rosebudlane.netfirms.com/wheelock.htm

(Wheelock, Vermont).

I found my niche in Baldwin County as a preserver of history. My favorite project is reading local cemeteries. All the information on local cemeteries that I have read myself is at the local Foley Public Library and the National Society Daughters American Revolution library. I hope my efforts will make a mark and promote an interest in the preservation of local history.

My connection to the Cool/Col Family goes like this:

Rosalie Sherburne & Warren Wolfe

Bertha Hudson & George Sherburne

Mattie Dunn & Alfred Hudson

Chloe Coolbeth & Adam Dunn

Erastus Coolbeth & Eliza Smith

Henry Coolbeth & Achsah Corse

Winthrop Cobath & Jerusha Smith

Benjamin Colbath & Sarah W.

George Colbath & Mary Pitman

Benjamin Colbath – B: 1675

Wow! Awesome profile, Rosalie. I’m glad I bugged you for it. Thank you.

This list has been running for the last couple or three months. This wraps it up: Minnesota Historical Society (MHS) Death Certificate Index: search results for Colbeth, Colbath, and Coolbroth.. The index covers the years 1908 - 1996. Web site for the MHS is www.mhs.org

COOLBROTH, MABEL E. CertID# 1983-MN-016791 Date of Birth: 05/12/1890 Place of Birth: MINNESOTA Mother Maiden Name: DVORACK, Date of Death: 07/01/1983 County of Death: ANOKAFrom:

Thanks, John (& Jayne Colbeth) Hunkins, JCHSR- at -QWEST.NET

Hi Dick,

The world is still turning, I'm thinking of changing jobs, one that will be full time, however I still have to use 73 hours of vacation before I go.

Ed is still working but it hasn't turned into 40 hours a week yet, though, he thinks that it will soon.

Ash is out of school ang goes back in August. Britt is in summer school, she will have to take geometry over as her teacher gave her an "F" for the last semester. He was a real jerk, and we are contesting his way of grading for the last semester. So far he has not responded to our request for a hereing with her counselor.

Take care and write again soon.

Your Cuz,
Linda, Colbeth-Walker, Quail Valley, California

What sex are they? Submitted by Betty Colbath-Hamilton, Dexter, Maine:

SPONGES - female, because they are soft and squeezable and retain water.

SUBWAY - male, because it uses the same old lines to pick people up.

HOURGLASS - female, because over time, the weight shifts to the bottom.

HAMMER - male, because it hasn't evolved much over the last 5,000 years, but it's handy to have around.

REMOTE CONTROL - female ! .... Ha! You thought I'd say male. But consider, it gives men pleasure, he'd be lost without it, and while he doesn't always know the right buttons to push, he keeps trying.

Well, I answered a couple of ads in the Sunday paper after I got fired last month. One was for a sweet $5,000 a month uniformed limo driver and the other was for a hot, heavy, greasy $7.50 an hour transmission parts delivery person. So I’m a transmission and transmission parts delivery person now. It’s hot, heavy, greasy work. I don’t care what the Cools/Cols genealogist pros say. I’m a Polack. I feel Polish, I’m stupid as hell one minute, hence the jokes, and I live up to my MENSA membership the next. Ciao, Dick.

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Hi Dick,

I hope you had a Happy Birthday. Enjoyed your Garfield E-Card. Summer is swinging along. Time is funny. It goes fast except at certain times – for instance when I am at my desk at work and from 3:00 to 5:00 p.m. seems like an eternity. Also, not to mention 15 minutes in the dentist's chair. Although I have to say I have a very nice dentist and he makes it as comfortable as possible for me.

Question to the AhSoWhat relatives -

Have you ever had a root canal? I have two coming up and it will be a new experience. How was it? Any horror stories or was it bearable?

I had the opportunity to go to Europe end of May. I was in Frankfurt, Germany with my friend from work and stayed for a week with a lovely German woman named Heidi. She lives in a 5 floor walk-up. Law in Germany is if it is 6 floors or more than you can have an elevator. Needless to say I did get my exercise. Found Germans very pleasant and orderly. The medieval German villages were wonderful. It was like going back in time to a fairy tale place. Also, we went to Dachau, the concentration camp outside of Munich. It was an eerie, emotional experience. There were school buses that came with school children on a field trip - around high school age. I think that it is important for people to know what happened in the camps and what can still happen with the ongoing existence of man's inhumanity to man.

In January I went to NYC and saw Ground Zero, another sad, but important truth of how hatred goes on through time, and how important it is for us as individuals to find the balance between not letting ourselves be abused and not being the abusers.

Economy bad in this area as many others in U.S. Came very close to getting laid off at UMASS. About 100 did though. I need my health and dental insurance, especially with root canals coming up! I am a lucky girl.

Best to all, Robin Coolbeth, Springfield, Massachusetts

Hello Cousin! I have been so busy this summer, what with my work at Bates College Museum and all my flower gardens. Also, a film crew from an independent cable channel, came out to film my flower gardens and asked me to read one of my stories on air. You know how that is. I worried about every weed and piece of grass. Anyhow, survived that. Also, I now have about 108 completed short stories for my manuscript and will be submitting it to several publishers in the fall. But every time I reread one, I see something that I could make better so another rewrite begins. One would think that after 20 years of writing these stories, they'd be a perfect as they could get. I'm getting close.

But last week, I was vacuuming and my little dog, Chu, wanted to go out. Long story short, I stepped aside for him to go first and tripped on the vacuum cord and fell down the stairs. It was either let go of the vacuum and kill the dog or fall and kill myself. I nearly killed myself. I fell with all my weight on my tailbone. You know that old saying, "That which doesn't kill us, makes us stronger." Well Cools, it didn't make me stronger! I'm on the mend but it will be a long time and the pain is indescribable! By the way, Chu feels fine.

It's been a very nice summer here on the East coast but I'm not an hot weather lover, I'm looking forward to fall/winter. Check with me again in January and I'll have another version.

Sorry that you have had another job interruption, that can wear on your nerves. Hope something turns up soon. Hope Sandy is well. Take care, Love, Toots Colbath-David, Minot, Maine

Hi All: June has been a busy month for us. We have a grandson visiting us for a month. Stephen arrived on the 4th of June. We spent a week up in Oregon visiting my daughter & family. Our youngest granddaughter is in girl's fast pitch softball. We were able to attend her last two games. She won the MVP award in a tournament earlier this year. She was so proud. Then we went camping close to the Bend area. The kids played in the lake, and went out on a rowboat for the first time by their selves. The adults sat around playing cards & freezing to death in front of a wood fire. We had our cabin washed & stained & we are having a portion of our yard fenced. We will be in Weaverville for the 4th of July Celebration. Stephen leaves the 11 of July, we will miss him. Keep up the good work on the newsletter. Enjoy it a lot. Bye for now Beverley Colbeth-Luce, Platina, California & Ron, of course.

Dear Dick, I want to thank you for the dollar on my birthday. I bought a cup of coffee and toasted you. I’m throwing in a few little gems of Yogi Bera:

“When you come to a fork in the road – take it!”

“Nobody goes there anymore – it’s too crowded.”

“The future isn’t what it used to be!”

Just to tell a few. I also enclose a stress test. I took it and it showed that I need a long rest! Yours truly, Ron & Alice Coolbeth, Springfield, Massachusetts

Enjoy today's pages, and remember to smile at a stranger today!

1. *NEW!* Congratulations, somehow we survived!

http://www.funforwards.com/stories/july03/congratulations.cfm AOL Link

2. *NEW!* All I need to know about life I learned from a COW! Moooo-ving page!

http://www.funforwards.com/stories/july03/learned_from_cow.cfm AOL Link

"If you'll make the toast and pour the juice, sweetheart," said the newlywed bride, "breakfast will be ready." "Good, what are we having for breakfast," said the new husband. "Toast and juice," she replied.

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Hi Dick, I 'll try and get it done my Personal Profile you requested this week-end. It should match up with Bev's PP, but I do have some interesting things to add, as my first child was born on the Island of Bermuda.. I also have a new one to add to the family tree, my grandson Chris and his wife Stacie just had a baby last October. CJ is now 9 months old, and he is a cutie. So that makes me a Great -Grandmother at the ripe old age of 61. Talk to ya soon, Love, Your Cuz, Linda Colbeth Walker, Quail Valley, CA

Three Gorges Dam update: Today's stories reprinted from The Art Newspaper, People's Daily, Xinhua news agency, BBC News Online and World Press Review. Yangtze River dam floods 1,200 sites by Lucian Harris, The Art Newspaper, July 11, 2003

Nearly 1,200 sites of historical and archeological importance along the Yangtze River are now under water as the first stage of China’s massively ambitious hydroelectric project reached completion on schedule. Second generator at Three Gorges starts trial operation.

People's Daily, July 11, 2003

Four generators, and possibly six if everything goes well, are to begin commercial operation this year, a project official says. www.threegorgesprobe.org/tgp/index.cfm? DSP=content&ContentID=7910 World's largest power project invites bids for remaining 12 generators Xinhua news agency, July 11, 2003. Tenders have been received for four of the generators, an official says. www. threegorgesprobe.org/tgp/index.cfm?DSP=content&ContentID=7911 China dam switches on power BBC News Online, July 10, 2003. The Three Gorges dam begins producing electricity as the first of its generators is connected to the power grid. www.threegorgesprobe.org/tgp/index.cfm? DSP=content&ContentID=7892 Three Gorges: 'A world so changed' by Annie Luo, World Press Review, July 8, 2003

While the Chinese state media have been enthusiastic about this massive engineering project, the international media have been less so. www.threegorgesprobe. org/tgp/index.cfm?DSP=content&ContentID=7896.

Well, I would have lost that part of the bet. I can’t believe half naked coolies with a shovel in one hand and an umbrella in the other finished that mega-project at all, let alone on time.

Hi Dick, I have a new address. Thanks for sending me your newsletter. I share the jokes. :>)

Dear Friends, How is everything going for you? I trust the Lord is blessing & helping you. Thank you for praying for me. The trip here went really well. Camp Parks is an Army base. Carswell is an Air Force base. It’s very crowded here – more than 3 times as many women as it was designed to hold. Of course no place on earth is Heaven, and most things have advantages & disadvantages, but so far I really don’t like it here. I’m trying to move to a different unit that I hear isn’t as wild. I at least need to move to a different room. This place will take quite some adjusting to! But I have no right to complain. Other pro-life prisoners are going through far worse things right now, and need your prayers, as do pre-born babies. I don’t know if I’m allowed to write other prisoners names, but Florida Gov. Jeb Bush signed the execution order, and our fellow soldier (Paul Hill) is scheduled to be killed September 3^rd. He had said that when his book was completed, his work on earth was finished. Four days after the last of his manuscript was received, Gov. Bush signed the death order. Perhaps you could write or call Gov Bush (on Paul’s behalf)? And please pray for our friend and his family.

I’ve found some Christians here, and am checking out the church services. It isn’t so humid here, and the air seems wonderful! I may start enjoying summer again. Most things here are not good, but I’m sure this is where God wants me for now. I had put in for a transfer in Feb. at Carswell after being convinced it was the right thing to do. The idea to do it just wouldn’t get out of my head, so I asked people to pray, aand I prayed, and I became totally convinced it was time for me to put in to transfer here. After I requested the transfer, I found out things were going to get worse in my unit and at my job, and that my daughter might be able to visit me at Dublin. The transfer was delayed, which I didn’t understand, until another pro-life prisoner was sent there for a mental evaluation. People had prayed for Christian fellowship for me, and she had prayed to meet me. We were able to get together almost every day. What a blessing she was to me! They really put her through some torture, keeping her locked up with the country’s worst criminally insane women for a month, then doing her evaluating. She still proved she was sane and competent, even after everything she went through. Nearly every day she would tell me about vile, crazy, and/or violent things that happened on that unit. After her evaluation, they still kept her there 3-4 more weeks! And they continue to do other things to try to wear her down (probably to prepare her for court).

Anyway, I was glad I was still there then, but it took more than another month for my transfer! Now I see that that was good too. I may have to work in the kitchen for 12 cents and hour for up to 6 months. And then when I do go to work at data processing, it will take at least 9 more months before I get my pay grade back. My last month at Carswell I worked some overtime, and the money came here with me. Eventually I’ll get property I had at Carswell too. Being a bit frugal won’t kill me, though I rather like being blessed to overflowing materially also :>). May the will of the Lord be done in all things. Please write soon & tell me everything that’s new! Sweet Jesus bless you. Love, Shelley Rachelle Shannon 59755-065 5701 8^th St. Camp Parks, Dublin CA 94568

Once upon a time, there was a happy little fly buzzing around a barn when he happened upon a large pile of fresh cow manure. It had been hours since his last meal and he was feeling hunger pangs, so he flew down to the irresistible delicacy and began to pig out.

He ate and ate....then...he ate some more!!! Finally, he decided he'd had plenty. He washed his face with his tiny front legs, belched a few times, then attempted to fly away. But alas...he had eaten far too much and could not get off the ground.

Wondering what to do about this unpleasant situation, he looked around and spotted a pitchfork leaning upright against the barn wall. He'd found a solution!! He realized if he could just climb up that handle and jump off to become airborne he'd be able to fly again.

So, he painstakingly climbed to the top of the handle. Once there, he took a deep breath, spread his tiny wings, and leaped confidently into the air. He dropped like a rock and splattered all over the floor.

Ah, so what’s the moral of this sad story?

"Never fly off the handle when you know you're full of s--t."

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Sick, Twisted People

How Hollywood Portrays Christians

In the recent film Hannibal, a character named Mason Verger has just one goal in life: to catch up with the cannibal who chewed off his face, and feed him to flesh-eating pigs. It’s a sick and twisted goal—and it may not surprise you to learn that Verger is the film’s only Christian character.

Just one more illustration of how Hollywood tends to treat followers of Christ.

Sadly, there’s no shortage of other recent examples. In the historical film Quills, about the Marquis de Sade, the vilest sexual behavior is performed by a Catholic priest; de Sade is portrayed as the persecuted victim of a puritanical society.

Another film, The Pledge, portrays Christianity as a religion for killers. In a movie called The Cell, a Christian upbringing causes a character to become a serial killer.

Celluloid missionaries are almost as bad. In films like Black Robe and At Play in the Fields of the Lord, Christians bring, not salvation, but disease and death, slavery and hypocrisy.

As Christian screenwriter Brian Godawa notes in his book Hollywood Worldviews, in films like these, "Christianity does not merely lead to mental breakdown in [individuals]; it also leads to the breakdown of society." Christians are portrayed as sick, twisted people who got that way through repressing their natural desires; their moral codes lead to intolerance, wife beating, and murder. He points to recent films like The Crucible and Chocolat as well.

About the only good thing you can say about these films, spiritually speaking, is that they reveal the fact that humans—whether they admit it or not—are deeply religious. We can’t help thinking about God and trying to come to terms with Him. As Godawa points out, elements of Christianity are often "deconstructed or reinterpreted through countervailing worldviews," but significantly, they are not ignored. In fact, Godowa writes, films that attack or redefine God may be more honest than those that simply ignore Him. The filmmaker is "at least admitting [God] is an issue." Ignoring Him "leaves the impression that He is . . . irrelevant to our reality." Martin Luther made a very similar point.

The good news is that every now and then, Hollywood gets religion right. A recent remake of Les Misérables offers a poignant picture of Christian grace, forgiveness, and redemption. And the film The Addiction uses a vampire theme to explore the nature of evil and our need for repentance.

Parents ought to watch some of the better films with their kids, although they should check them out carefully before bringing them home. Not all films are suitable for all families. And when it comes to films that portray Christians as warped and wicked people—well, parents ought to learn about these films as well. That way they can help their kids—and their unbelieving friends—to see through them and to understand the worldviews are involved in films.

Brian Godawa’s book, Hollywood Worldviews, will help you do just that. You’ll learn how your church can offer guidance to teenagers who love movies. And kids will learn the worldview reasons so many movies treat Christianity as a violent, oppressive religion fit only for sick and twisted people.

BreakPoint with Charles Colson, Prison Ministries

Letter from God to Woman:

When I created the heavens and the earth, I spoke them into being. When I created man, I formed him and breathed life into his nostrils. But you, woman, I fashioned after I breathed the breath of life into man because your nostrils are too delicate. I allowed a deep sleep to come over him so I could patiently and perfectly fashion you.

Man was put to sleep so that he could not interfere with the creativity. From one bone, I fashioned you. I chose the bone that protects man's life. I chose the rib, which protects his heart and lungs and supports him, as you are meant to do. Around this one bone, I shaped you... I modeled you. I

created you perfectly and beautifully.

Your characteristics are as the rib, strong yet delicate and fragile. You provide protection for the most delicate organ in man, his heart. His heart is the center of his being; his lungs hold the breath of life. The rib cage will allow itself to be broken before it will allow damage to the heart. Support man as the rib cage supports the body.

You were not taken from his feet, to be under him, nor taken from his head, to be above him. You were taken from his side, to stand beside him and be held close to his side.

You are my perfect angel... You are my beautiful little girl.

You have grown to be a splendid woman of excellence and my eyes fill when I see the virtues in your heart.

Your eyes... don't change them. Your lips --how lovely when they part in prayer. Your nose, so perfect in form. Your hands so gentle to touch. I’ve caressed your face in your deepest sleep. I've held your heart close to mine.

Of all that lives and breathes, you are most like me. Adam walked with me in the cool of the day, yet he was lonely. He could not see me or touch me. He could only feel me. So everything I wanted Adam to share and experience with me, I fashioned in you; my holiness, my strength, my purity, my love, my protection and support.

You are special because you are an extension of me. Man represents my image woman my emotions. Together, you represent the totality of God. So man...treat woman well. Love her, respect her, for she is fragile.

Betty Colbath-Hamilton, Dexter, Maine

Yeah, O.K., I hear what you’re saying, but my little angel has this one tiny flaw: No matter with whom, or whatever the issue I may have with someone, she immediately sides with the other person. I swear if a guy punched me in the face for no reason, she’d yell at me for hurting the poor guy’s fist. Ticks me off no end. Dickie

“For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son and whosoever believeth on Him should not perish but have everlasting life.” John 3:16

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Hired – at last! I knew the world couldn’t continue in its orbit with me unemployed. I sensed somebody had to eventually recognize me for the formidable force that I am. I’m in the restaurant business now. A local diner hired me to stand by their dumpsters and scare the crows away. Beat out fifteen undocumented worker applicants. I think my college education cast the swing vote. That and my unique ability to stand for hours with my arms outstretched.

Must see/read: My daughter, Deb, gave me an autographed book, Catch Me If You Can by Frank Abagnale for Father’s Day. Like the Ten Commandments, I preferred the book over the movie, but the video wasn’t bad. Leonardo Dicaprio made a pretty good con man. When Mr. Abagnale was a kid, for cryin’ out loud, a frickin’ teenager, he posed as a Pan Am co-pilot and traveled all over the world on them. He cashed a million dollars worth of worthless paper scamming banks all over the world. As I read the book, I had the irresistible urge to feel for my wallet. He passed the bar exam and became a high-ranking attorney…! Then he became a pediatrician – are you listening here? The kid became a goldarned baby doctor! He wanted to attend college so he became a popular professor and taught at a university…! Caught, he escaped from a transoceanic airliner while it was still taxiing by going down the toilet…! French prison was a 5x5 steel box. No light, no bunk, the floor he slept on for 6 months was an escape-proof toilet. In case you’re thinking about following in Frank’s footsteps, there was a down side.

Ready for this? LifeGem, an llinois-based company, spent four years developing a process to extract carbon from the bodies of humans and pets, and turn that carbon into real diamonds you can wear on your finger or around your neck. Heck, you could have Grandma and Grandpa made into a matched set of earrings if you wanted.

September Personal Profile: Open for grabs. Comeon, volunteer.

I tried to start another leg of the Ahsowhat by including my mother’s side of the family, the Radwick/Radweicks. Sent out over 100 interest newsletters – zero response; man, those cats are tougher than the Cools/Cols.

I cranked this newsletter out in about ½ hour so if there’s mistakes – sooooo ssssssssooooooorrrrrrrrryyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

VOLUME 8 ISSUE 12 DICK “NOBULL” COLBETH, EDITOR & PUBLISHER August 2003

Editor: 360-892-6944 CoolsCols- at -aol.com www.colbeth.com, then Genealogy Circulation: 150 Cools/Cols $10.00/yr or a deck of Iraq’s Most Wanted cards Editor’s a fisherman and lives in Vancouver, WA. with the best catch of his life, Sandy: Dick C’s Chick.

Question to the AhSoWhat relatives -

BreakPoint with Charles Colson, Prison Ministries